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Posts Tagged ‘leadership’

Powerful Listening

Danny Coyle

Danny Coyle

Listening is an important skill, whether at home or at work. The best leaders – and the best friends – are able to listen well to those around them, including those they have power over.

I’ve been experimenting recently with listening.  I am not strong in caring about people, listening to their problems, and engaging them on a deep level, especially if we do not have a strong friendship to begin with.

I am only starting to realize that I have a very hard heart, and I really don’t care that much about people. That needs to change.  My listening skills are a reflection of that.  I often want to turn the conversation so I can talk about my ideas, my achievements and my skills.  And that is not loving to anyone (It’s really a form of hatred).

In an attempt to love more deeply, I’ve been trying to train myself to listen more deeply.  To shut off my mouth, and listen to people with my heart. Clear my brain of all the tangents that it goes on when people talk, and just focus on what they are saying.

I was talking to a wife of a friend, and she was talking back about a struggle she was having.  I wasn’t really deeply listening.  I could sense that she was taking the conversation deeper, but since I wasn’t listening deeply, she wasn’t going to engage the conversation deeply.  It was like she just stuck her toe in the water, found it was quite cold, and recoiled.

I realized that she had recoiled because I wasn’t listening to her heart. And I decided to try to listen better in the next few moments. Just as I was making that decision in my mind, her husband walked up and entered the discussion.  As I looked at them talking, I tried to focus on the words they were saying, and just let them talk.  I tried to ask questions that clarified the situation for me, and questions that tried to pull out the true meaning of what they were saying.

I was amazed at the depth of the conversation now taking place.  The only factor I could point to that was different was my attitude in listening to them.

It is amazing the difference that listening can make.

I’ve been practicing it with my wife as well, and our conversations have gone deeper than they have ever gone before.  I can’t believe how loving, powerful and simple true listening can be.

Here are some tips that I’ve found that really help to listen carefully.

  1. Don’t let your brain run away on a tangent when someone else is talking.
  2. Look at the other person in the eye as if you are really listening to them. Because you are listening to them.  Eye contact is key.
  3. Engage your heart.  Let yourself care about what they are saying.
  4. Do not try to fit your ideas into their words.  Ask clarifying questions if needed, but don’t assume they are saying something they are not.
  5. Be patient and let them do the talking.  They will finish when they are finished.  The point is not about getting your own ideas in, but about letting the other person feel loved.

Turning the lights on

Danny Coyle

Danny Coyle

Over the last few months, I’ve started to realize that people just don’t see how much they can impact the lives of people around them.

One of my great passions is opening people’s eyes to see their true potential.  I love seeing the lights come on when you show them a horizon that is within their grasp, and then watching them reach out and take it.

A few weeks ago, I gathered our organizations leaders for a meeting.  Our organization puts on events.  I split them up into groups of 3, and told them to discuss two questions.

Question 1:  How does my role empower the people who attend our events?

Question 2:  How does my role empower the people who serve on my team?

We defined empowering as the ‘You can do it’ attitude.  The attitude that helps people see that they can accomplish something bigger than themselves.

As we were discussing these questions, I could see that people in the meeting were starting to see their role in new ways. They were starting to see that they don’t just do a job, but that their job has an impact in the future trajectory of those that attend our events.   It was so much fun to watch.

A few of the team members walked into the meeting thinking ‘I just do a job’ and over the course of 2 hour changed to ‘I empower people through my job.’

One of the dangerous assumptions that I made is that everyone on the team is already empowering their team and the attenders. It’s dangerous because they could easily check out of the discussion by saying ‘I don’t empower anyone.’  Thankfully, no one said that, and everyone engaged the question. Also, I had a clear idea of what our organization is supposed to do at a deep level, so I can ask engaging questions that drive us to that purpose.

We will be monitoring and reinforcing these concepts over the next few weeks/months, but I am really excited about where this is going.

Here’s a few questions you can ask yourself about the people on your team:

  1. What can you ask your staff to consider that would show them that you see them much larger than they see themselves?
  2. Ask your staff how they are furthering the misison of the organization, but in a non-threatening way, that clarifies what success looks like?
  3. What does ‘turning the lights on’ mean for your organization?  How do your staff see themselves right now, and how do you want them to see themselves in the future?

Working with your spouse

Jill Coyle

Jill Coyle

While leading a talented group of female entrepreneurs at the Women in Business conference in September, I learned that 4 of the 6 entrepreneurs on the stage (myself included) worked with their spouses.

This led to some interesting discussion as one of the panelists shared that she’d actually had to “fire” her husband and tell him to go start his own business.

Here are some of the things we female entrepreneurs shared about the joys and challenges of working with our husbands.

Some of the challenges

Work doesn’t stop.

One panelist shared that she and her husband had a difficult time leaving work at the office. They continued to discuss work over dinner, during vacation, on Saturday, etc.

Home life can spill over into work

If a husband and wife are having a “discussion” (oh, alright, let’s call it a “fight”), we often find it challenging to not let that fight affect our relationship once we’re in the office.

Personality conflict

For some business/marriage partners, working together brought out the best in them – they balanced each other perfectly, offset each other’s weaknesses, etc. For some, it was a major clash of the titans -  they drove each other so crazy that they had to dissolve the partnership…or totally risk their marriage. As one woman so aptly put it, “I can be married to you – I just can’t be your business partner!”

The joys

Total trust

One great thing about being business partners with your spouse is that (most likely) you totally trust your spouse. I’ve heard so many horror-stories, especially in China, about “partners” running off and stealing the whole business. That’s a lot less likely to happen when you are married to your business partner.

Balance each other

For this group of women anyway, most of them talked about how they work so well with their spouse. One person handles the staff, the other the sales and output; their strengths go hand in hand. They’re able to build each other up – and soften some of the rough edges.

Sharing

One great thing about building a successful company with your spouse is that you do it together. It is something you accomplish together – you can put your arm around your business partner and say, “Wow, look what we are doing together!”

What about you? Do you work with your spouse (or have you done so in the past)? Share with us some of your stories.

The changing role of a leader

Danny Coyle

Danny Coyle

The role of the leader

There’s so much stuff on leadership out there.  Here’s another 2 cents to add to the pile.

I’m finding that my role is changing.  Where I used to be the cheerleader, both cheering and leading, rallying the troops in a more public and energetic way, I’m finding that my leadership these days is more like a shepherd.  I’m watching the flock for any sick sheep that might need a little more care and attention.  Giving the kind word when it’s needed. Doing a lot more one-on-one, rather than the big dance in front of everyone.

As the company evolves and goes through it’s phases, I’m learning how to read the situations and respond to what our internal business needs are.  It’s a lot of fun to watch our company change.

I’m sure that I’ll be back into the public and energizing role in the future, but I find that I personally enjoy the shepherd role a lot.

Have you noticed the nature of your own leadership role change over time?

Intuition and the “gut feeling” that gets you out of trouble

Tanya Crossman

Tanya Crossman

Fashion Incubator is a great blog focussed on pattern making. We don’t often link to it as while it is fascinating to me it doesn’t generally overlap the topics we cover on Imports Oriental. Kathleen posted a really interested article the other week, however, which I wanted to bring to your attention.

She talks about intuition, and the importance of paying attention to it, especially in business. She tells a story about a time where investigating a gut feeling regarding a certain project enabled her to escape the worst of what could have been a very big mess.

In terms we typically define it, intuition is a gut level impression we get about a person or situation and for which we are at a loss to understand why… understanding the mechanisms of intuition allows me to move from indecision to informed understanding.

Kathleen talks about intuition as the “back brain” – the forebrain thinks logically, according to information obviously available, while the back brain deals with more subtle “cues”. Those cues may not be articulated as evidence of a problem, but are more like red flags – markers that “this” often means “that” is happening underneath. So the gut feeling isn’t saying “here is what’s wrong”; rather, it is part of you noticing a pattern that in other situations has been connected to a problem under the surface.

You go out to dinner with somebody you’re thinking of doing business with. They are pleasant enough, the details seem equitable but your intuition tells you something is amiss. Problem is, there’s nothing your fore brain can interpret as being a rational cause of discomfort but still, your dis-ease persists. I know what many people (most of them women) do, because you can’t articulate exactly what’s bugging you, you elect to give them the benefit of the doubt because that’s the only fair thing to do. Right? Well, maybe you shouldn’t. First you should try to pull cues from the situation which can help the back brain to communicate.

The next time you have a bad feeling, you need to map it. Clear your mind and write down any and every single misgiving you have no matter how stupid, trivial, childish or germane to the situation. Things like, do they salt their food before they even taste it? You don’t want to be involved in manufacturing or engineering with someone who does that, no way no how (long story). Many things may seem like emotional reactions that have nothing to do with business or being fair or open minded -you know, giving the benefit of the doubt in the absence of proofs. These are cues your inarticulate deep brain has put together in a pattern but does not have the means to tell your front brain. As you do this, more things will occur to you that you hadn’t recognized before. You won’t get too far into it before you realize that a pattern has emerged and your course of action is clearer.

I was particularly struck by the comment about people who salt their food before eating. I often do that myself. Once I stopped to think what that might say about a person, I was stunned. Salting food before eating it means I’ve made an assumption that the food before me will not be to my liking before I’ve even tasted it! I also have a tendency to make assumptions about people and situations before investigating them properly. It’s clearly a flaw, and while I am capable of changing my quickly-made-up mind, I waste time and offend people in the process.

Back to the topic, though; I think this is great advice. Investigating a “bad feeling” may seem like  a bad idea. You’re under a deadline, and you have no logical reason to delay. However, if that investigation leads you to an early warning, it may save you big time in the future. Think of such thinking time as an investment in the future of the deal you’re working on.

The point is, if you have a gut reaction without rational reasons, your deep brain is trying to tell you it has put the cues together. Give it a chance to speak so you can move forward decisively without feeling guilty that you haven’t given someone the benefit of the doubt.

Read the full article on Fashion Incubator here.

When is a problem not really a problem?

Danny Coyle

Danny Coyle

I’ve been travelling lately, and I haven’t been writing so much on the blog.  Sorry about that.

During my travels, I’ve been thinking a lot about culture.  I was in Tuscany for 6 days, and had an amazing experience.  I watched an interesting conversation unfold that I thought had some serious business implications.

A friend of mine had just finished eating his steak, and ordered a cafe latte (coffee with milk).  The proprieter of the restaurant personally came to scold him for ordering milk after eating a steak.  He politely changed his mind and ordered a regular coffee, much to the approval of the owner of the restaurant.  The owner explained that if you have milk after eating steak, the milk will curdle in your stomach and make you very sick.

I looked at my wife and commented how in China, if our kids don’t keep their stomachs covered at night, we are told they will have diarrhea.  In America, if you go out in the rain without an umbrella, you are sure to catch a cold.

It’s interesting how everyone seems to have specific things that cause sickness.  Do any of them really make you sick?  I doubt it.

As I was thinking about this, I wondered how many ‘problems’ really aren’t problems.  How many of the ‘problems’ that I face are just cultural misunderstandings that I’ve been tricked into worrying about, when in reality, it’s not a problem at all.

I find myself often worrying about ‘problems’ that really aren’t problems at all.  Sometimes the problem is new, and I haven’t seen the like before.  Sometimes when a problem is explained  to me by someone else it seems huge, but after a bit of research I realize it’s not as big as either of us thought.

As new problems surface these days, I’ve been trying to weigh some of my cultural understandings against the problem to determine whether what I’m facing is really a problem.  Some of the questions I ask myself are:
  • If I was from another country would this still be a problem? (If I was Chinese, European, or Australian)  Different countries have very different value systems, and people of different nationalities will often approach the same situation very differently.  I admire the things that I’ve learned from my friends of different nationalities.
  • Is this problem a moral issue, or a cultural issue? If a moral person from another country would see the situation differently, the issue is probably not a moral one.  It’s probably a situation that has a creative solution, rather than an absolute one.
  • How does this situation make me feel? I often try to ‘think’ about a situation. While there’s nothing wrong with thinking something through, it can lead to ignoring my emotions.  Sometimes, asking myself how I feel can dig down to the root of the issue. That way I avoid just dealing with the symptoms.

Insights on doing Business (and life) in China

Tanya Crossman

Tanya Crossman

Foreign Entrepreneurs in China is a blog we highlighted a few weeks back in our “best blogs” post. Last week there was an interesting post featuring Kevin Lai, Asia General Manager for New Zealand multinational Actronic Technologies.

I’m the China baby of the Imports Oriental team, having spent a mere 7 years here; I was impressed by some of the insights Kevin had to share from only 3 years in China. The whole set are worth taking a look at (you can read them here) but I’ve chosen a few to highlight and add my own thoughts on.

1. Language Barrier: It’s not the Only One.
Lots of companies do not appreciate how different China is. They assume language is the barrier but there is a lot more to it. Culture, taste and behaviour add to the difficulty to interpret what is going on. And the value system is so completely different that at times you don’t know whether to react outraged or ignore a situation.

That last line really speaks to me. I still find that on occasion I have no idea what the correct response to a situation is. I know what is going on, and how I feel about it, but I don’t know how to convey my feelings appropriately. Sometimes I simply have no idea if what I am feeling has anything to do with what the other person intended to convey!

I don’t think there’s much of a shortcut to learning this stuff, but my best suggestion is to ask questions of local friends and expats who have spent more time in Chinese circles than you have. Listen to their advice and insights, even if it doesn’t seem applicable to you; sometimes it won’t make sense to you until you’re in a similar situation.

5. Statistics are Good but Don’t Let them Fool You.
Statistics may provide you with a good overview, but don’t forget they’re just an average and they hide a lot of information.

A friend of mine once said “everything you’ve ever heard about China is true….somewhere”. I still quote this as I find it very apt. China is a very big place; it’s not uniform throughout. Assuming that you know every place in China just because you know one place (and so on) is problematic. It’s  good to remember that no matter how long you’ve been here, you don’t know it all.

6. Market Research & Reports: Be Ware of Polite or Aspirational Answers
Reading market reports is good, but you need to understand what you are reading. You may be asking somebody: Would you go to New Zealand? And they will say yes, but it is more their aspiration than a reality. Same goes for polite answers. Some people would be embarrassed to say no.

This point actually got me thinking on a different track. There are significant differences between the English words “will”, “want to” and “can” and their Chinese counterparts. The word yao could be translated “will” or “want to” depending on context; the same word can indicate an aspiration or a concrete plan. I think this leads to ambiguities in understanding the intent behind a person’s words, regardless of what language you’re speaking.

7. “Do It Yourself” … Not Worthy Here (for entrepreneurs)
You need to seek help in order to settle here so that you can focus on the core business. Helps is available for free. Just ask!  Contact your own country’s expat networks, your Government Agencies.

A good thing for all new expats to keep in mind! People have done this before – so there’s no need to reinvent the wheel. Most expats who’ve been around a while are more than happy to share some tips. Trying to go it alone and work it all out yourself is a waste of your time and energy – and adjusting to a new place will take enough of that as it is.

10. Trust- not just an Empty Word. Once you Gain Trust lots of Doors Open.
The value of trust is not a China myth. Chinese people are very caring when it comes to their families, friends and network. They will ignore you if you are not in the circle, but once you make it, once you gain their trust and become part of their network they will start caring about you in a very personal way.

I am often surprised by the strength and shown to me by long-term Chinese acquaintances. These aren’t my close friends (that isn’t so surprising) but rather people I have known for years in a more casual way. For example, drivers I would hire to drive me back and forth between Langfang and Beijing, or a landlady I only saw often enough to pay rent, or the manager of a nail salon I visited regularly for years. In many cases I sense a difference when I am “promoted” to a closer circle, rather than being merely a client/customer etc.

As with one of my previous comments, I’m not sure there’s a shortcut here. The important thing is simply to recognize that this is how things work. It’s worth investing time in building relationships – not just in a personal context (with friendships) but with vendors, services and the like. Once that trust is built up, by virtue of continued association, things change. You can’t necessarily anticipate that change – when it will happen and what it will look like – but it will be a pleasant surprise when it happens.

12. Hire Somebody you Can Trust.
Lots of companies send people here who don’t speak the language so they’re completely relying on their Chinese employees. It’s quite common to hear stories about people hiring a local manager who initially performs really well but turns into a bad story.

This is a point that comes up over and over in discussions about China. I suspect this is true in any context where you are dependent on an employee for translation and cultural understanding. The counterpoint to needing to find people you can trust is to not be dependent on any one person. When you get in that sort of situation, either you are wrecked when that one person leaves, or keeping that person becomes such a high priority you can be blinded to other things.

14. Keeping your Employees… You may need to pay for it.
In general people like to work for big companies. It gives them status and security. So when you are part of a small/medium business you may need to pay above the average when you hire your local employees.

I agree with the principle of this – in general, people do like the status and security of working for big companies. So when you try to recruit top quality employees to a small business, you need to have something else of value to offer them. I don’t believe that need necessarily be a high salary – there are other ways to make your company attractive. Perhaps it is flexible working hours, greater access to training and personal development, or a manager who cares about them as a person.

For example, when hiring an administrative assistant for our head office in Langfang, we were interviewing several shortlisted candidates. One candidate was particularly attractive to us, but seemed put off by the salary – she had clearly expected more. The Chinese employee conducting the interview with me had a discussion with her about the other benefits of working for our company -such as insurance coverage, more personal holidays and sick leave than mandated by local labor laws, and a nice lunch provided every day. That short discussion totally changed the candidate’s attitude toward the position. I think that a particular strength of our company is that employees feel cared for as individuals, and therefore also want to care for their employers by doing their best for the company.

Listening Part III: Powerful Listening

Danny Coyle

Danny Coyle

In the past two weeks Jill has shared some insights on the topic of listening (see Part 1 and Part 2 of our series on Listening). I have also been experimenting with listening lately.  I am not strong in caring about people, listening to their problems, and engaging them on a deep level, especially if we do not already have a strong friendship.

I am only starting to realize that I have a very hard heart; I really don’t care that much about people. That needs to change.  My listening skills are a reflection of that.  I often want to turn the conversation so I can talk about my ideas, my achievements and my skills.  That is not loving to anyone (it’s really a form of hatred).

I’ve been trying to train myself to listen more deeply – to shut off my mouth and instead listen to people with my heart. I try to clear my brain of all tangents and just focus on what a person is saying.

Recently, I was listening to the wife of a friend talk about a struggle she was having.  I wasn’t really deeply listening.  I could sense that she was taking the conversation deeper, but since I wasn’t listening deeply, she wasn’t going to engage the conversation deeply.  It was like she just stuck her toe in the water, found it was quite cold, and recoiled.

I realized that the reason she recoiled was because I wasn’t listening to her heart. I decided to try to listen better in the next few moments. As I was making that decision in my mind, her husband walked up and entered the discussion.  I tried to focus on the words they were saying; I just let them talk.  I tried to ask questions that clarified the situation for me, and questions that tried to pull out the true meaning of what they were saying.

I was amazed at the depth of the conversation now taking place.  The only factor I could point to that was different was my attitude in listening to them.

I am amazed at the difference that listening can make.

I’ve been practicing it with my wife as well, and our conversations have gone deeper.  I can’t believe how loving, powerful and simple true listening can be.

Here are some tips that I’ve found that really help to listen carefully.

  1. Don’t let your brain run away on a tangent when someone else is talking.
  2. Look at the other person in the eye as if you are really listening to them – because you are listening to them.  Eye contact is key.
  3. Engage your heart.  Let yourself care about what they are saying.
  4. Do not try to fit your ideas into their words.  Ask clarifying questions if needed, but don’t assume they are saying something they are not.
  5. Be patient and let them do the talking.  They will finish when they are finished.  The point is not about getting your own ideas in, but about letting the other person feel loved.

Listening Part II– one of the most powerful tools you can learn

Jill Coyle

Jill Coyle

(Read Part I here)

Listening is powerful. I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t started to experience it for myself over the last year. I wasn’t a very good listener before – and I certainly have a long way to go. The funny thing is that learning to be a better listener has also helped me (i.e. in helping others, I’ve helped myself). I’ve overcome tensions with people, I’ve faced intimidating people more easily, I’ve helped people uncover some powerful truths about themselves (and man, it was SO exciting!). Here are a few things that I’ve seen work for me.

Helpful tips in learning to be a better listener

Actually Listen

Pretty simply, try to actually listen to what the person is saying. Don’t be thinking of the next thing you’d like to say or about where you should go for lunch – and don’t be thinking about “how can I change this to a subject I have lots to say about.” Instead, give the person your attention (don’t be doing SMS or email while he’s talking) and listen.

Engage

Very simple again – but make sure to look at the person when they’re talking. And be engaging. Don’t look bored (even if you are!). Try to look the person in the eye and give them your full attention. If you’re having a conversation with someone on the phone, make listening noises like “uh huh” or “ok” to let the person know that you are listening.

Go Deeper – Investigate & Ask Questions

Try to find out what things mean to the person. Ask questions related to the subject that they’re talking about. If it’s an industry you don’t understand, ask questions about it. If it’s a hobby that they’re enthusiastic about, find out why they love that hobby so much. Find what makes that person tick. Ask them how this (experience, relationship, business) relates to their life in general.

Attitude – It’s NOT all about me

A wise friend and mentor, Vivian Peebles, gave some great advice to me when I was going into a particularly hairy meeting where I was rather intimidated by the bigwigs that were going to be there with me. She said, “Be prepared for the meeting – and then forget about yourself. Ask about them. Ask about their business, how they got started, where they’re from, about their kids.” And you know? I found this to be such a powerful tool. Not only was I a lot less nervous about facing these people – but I found that they were much more open with me, because I was showing an interest in them.

We as human beings generally find it easy to talk about ourselves and our interests.

Ask about someone else’s, for a change – and see if it doesn’t change your life!

Share some stories on how listening has changed your life – either someone really listening to you…or you listening to someone else!

Listening Part I – Are you a conversation thief?

Jill Coyle

Jill Coyle

I learned something about myself a couple months ago – something I really didn’t like. Through a series of events, I learned that I like to hijack conversations. What does this mean? Finishing people’s sentences, thinking of my answer before the person is done talking, taking what the person is saying and trying to figure out how to get it onto a topic that I’m more expert in, etc. A friend (as a joke, I hope) has even offered to make me a T-shirt that says “reformed conversation hijacker.”

“Hijacking conversations” is a skill I’ve learned in business where things move at lightning speed – and finishing each other’s conversations is actually a skill. When I have been working with team leaders and we can finish each other’s sentences, this means that we’re on the same page, that we know where the other person is going, etc. It’s a great skill.

Also, time is money – right? So let’s move things along, people. If I know where the conversation is going and the person is taking FOR-E-VER getting to the point, I like to cut in (hopefully at a tactful place) and cut to the chase.

And sure, I am not trying to undermine “hijacking” as a skill. It is a skill. And completely necessary to busy managers or bosses who are trying to get things done but have dozens of people clamoring for their attention.

However, I’ve found that – especially in the relational part of business (and let’s face it: you have relationships with your staff, boss, customers, etc, whether you like it or not) – this is a detriment rather than a skill.

If you don’t believe me, go home tonight and finish your spouse’s conversation all throughout dinner and see how he/she reacts.

Probably not very positively, eh?

The people you work with – or have working under you – need for you to listen. They also need to know that you can give them space to listen. If they see you as distant and unapproachable – sure, they won’t bother you with some of their nonsense…but they probably also won’t come to you with the good ideas that are churning around in their heads.

Things you can do:

  • Don’t squash people’s ideas.
  • Have more patience.
  • Listen just a bit longer – there might be a diamond in the rough.

So there is a time and a place for “hijacking” – but I’m convinced we’re all pretty good at this. I think many of us need to focus more on LISTENING.

In Part II, we’ll talk about a couple tips to being a Better Listener.

What about you? Do you feel like your boss listens to you? Do you think listening is a problem at your work place? Any tips on being a good listener?